Autism Society of Larimer County

What Fathers Think: Quotations from Ordinary Fathers by Robert Naseef, Ph.D.  Often times men seem to have a more muted language, so it is no surprise when others wonder what a man really thinks. I asked a number of men who have children with special needs about their reflections on fatherhood. Here's what they told me: "Now that I am a father, I have a different relationship with work. It's not my whole life anymore." "Having a daughter with Down syndrome has changed my notion of what comprises a bad day. I appreciate life in such a different and more profound way." " I have learned to see past what my son (who has autism) isn't and focus on who he is. It takes time to find it in your heart."  "My children's smiles are my smiles—the one who has CP and the one who doesn't. They light up my life." " My father was a hard worker and he taught me to be. He required it. Now I have a child with special needs, and I work hard to be the best father I can for him." "I grew up without my father because my parents divorced when I was very young. I was always determined to be there for my children. Now that I have two boys with special needs, they need me more than ever." "My father had a horrible temper. I was determined to do better. My daughter's disability taught me such humility as I learned to accept what I could not change." " I am a fixer, and I can't fix this. There is not a wrench to pull out of my toolbox." "When I get home at night and my kids run to greet me and laugh – that is the best part of my day." As you can see, there is much wisdom in the observations and reflections of these fathers. They are fairly typical of many fathers I have met both with and without children with special needs. Fathers are vital. When a child is diagnosed with special needs, it can be a grief like no other. It is an event that changes and transforms us. It will drive us places we never wanted to go. Men and women alike look to their fathers for comfort and strength and acceptance. As hard as it has been, I must say that my son, autism and all, is a good son and loving him has taught me to be a better father.       .